My life, no chance, or any thing to help?

I'm a high school student with almost straight F's I'm so far behind that I don't know anything. My mom keeps threatening me to get my grades up or she'll send me to the army or w/e. I have no plans for the future, I don't know what I want to be when I get a job. I am very skinny, sort of short, and weak so I probably wouldn't handle any labor jobs. My social life isn't very great, I'm shy, get nervous, and quiet. I was shown porn at the age of 5 and I started to become extremely shy around girls when I talk to them face to face. I have always felt that I wouldn't live long since last year, since I'm weak and kept thinking I would get a lot of health problems. I need to get surgery for a tumor that I recently found in my upper right knee. My head feels so blank when I try to think about some stuff from school like math and science. I've been feeling some pain around my heart. Sometimes I wish I could disappear from life, sleep forever, time travel, reset my life, or die. Yes I've gotten thoughts of suicide which is funny because I used to think I would never get those... but most times I wish I could live forever because I am afraid of pain, suffering, and dying. I'm pretty much useless because even though I know I do stuff I am extremely lazy, I over think stuff and end up not doing nothing a lot of times. My sleeping is great either, one time I fell asleep for 3 hours. I can't seem to fall asleep thinking of so much stuff I forget, even as I'm typing this it is late. I don't know how I could live by myself I tried making money online but didn't know/trust the sites. yeah... I seriously have no clue what I am doing no more, I see others at school and their lives seem easy compared to mine but I also see people who have it worst. I have been child abused before, like gotten hit, but when I did something wrong. If someone pretends to hit me I flinched really bad, I laugh it off but I know why I can't help it. My life, if you saw it from a friend's point of view would seem alright but inside my mind it's a total mess of clustered facts, problems, ideas. here is another thing don't know if it also affected me, I always hated myself for bed-wedding. Yes, if you never knew anyone who did that, now you know. I stopped quiet recently In the beginning of the year too. Now it all seems like a forgotten past of misery waking up in the cold of winter, realizing that you woke up freezing because of the urine that soaked your warm clothes. So far I see my life as crap, there's other things I want to type down but I'm sure this is long enough. Is there a way out to crawl from under this hole I was born in and I myself dug deeper? I don't think so wbu